Chiba Check Up Vol. 1: Ninja Wars (1982)

Starring: Narita Mikio, Chiba Sonny, Sanada Hiroyuki 'Henry', Miho Jun, Watanabe Noriko, and Sato Gajiro. Director: Saito Kosei. Writers: (novel) Yamada Futaro, Ogawa Ei. Stunt Coordinator: Chiba Sonny. Cinematography: Morita Fujio (also worked on RASHOMON). Costumes: Koshino Junko.

The 1980s were a golden age of the action film. They had fantastic and practical stunts, great squib work, fight scenes that were legible, stories that feel real with wonderfully creative violence, and the most important factor ninjas. This niche subgenre has a long history in Japanese film. Starting in the silent era Japanese studios were pumping out as many if not more movies than the Americans, British, and Germans. However, where the films of the Western world focused on romance or cowboys, horror or comedy, the Japanese always made action films. As soon as they could put moving images on a screen, people wanted to see samurai duel and ninja silently stalk. Their period films weren't what we typically think of as period films. There were no Mr. Darcys or wealthy plantation families or what have you. It was the Warring States Era or the Edo period. These eras, mainly the Warring States Era, Japan was in civil war and no one could contain it for very long. Violence was reflected in their theatre so naturally, it was reflected in their cinema and literature as well.

Before you ask, were ninjas even real? Yes, they were.

The first mention of ninja in Western cinema that I am aware of is the Bond film, You Only Live Twice. In one of its silliest moments, in a movie with lots of delightfully silly antics, James Bond's assistant in the field Tiger Tanaka (played by a poorly dubbed over Tamba Tetsuro) shows him a special school...for NINJAS! They eventually play into the assault on the Blofeld's base where they end up saving imprisoned astronauts and cosmonauts. The ninja didn't fully integrate into Western film until the 1980s with a "trilogy" of films by the Cannon Group.

I started out #ChibaCheckUp with the ridiculous but genuinely well-constructed action film G.I. Samurai, which was also directed by Saito Kosei. I don't have any more of his collaborations with Chiba coming up but if these are any indication, Saito is a great fuckin action director. The action is clear, creative, over-the-top, and satisfying. Every fight scene includes a new element and builds off of what's already been seen in previous fights.

 In the Warring States Era, a shogun Danjo lusts after his fellow shogun's wife, Ukyo. He creeps all over her at the chagrin of her and ignorance of his shogun buddy. A scary wizard, Kashin, summons a storms to announce his unwelcomed presence. He gives Danjo 5 retainers because...reasons and a love potion. It requires ten herbs, the tears of an identical person or that person, and to boil the mixture for 2 hours.

Meanwhile, Ukyo's identical twin - Kagaribi - is going over the Sickle Moon ninja technique. She manages to slice several trees down in a bamboo forest. Then, the 5 retainers attack and 'kill' her fiance, Jotaro. He goes on a personal mission to save her. Kagaribi tries to fight off her captors and ends up beheading herself. This isn't the end though, Danjo's assistant gets beheaded and they swap heads. This is the first 20 minutes. Instead of go through the intricately wacky plot, I'll just list some of the crazy and uncomfortable shit that happens.
- Assassinations via a Tarzan rope swing
- A rape to force a woman to cry
- A beheading that instantly heals
- A fire at a Buddhist temple
- A Buddha statue with its POV and gets beheaded
- A crucifixion on a pyre
- Love is stronger than anything...even death
- Chiba in an insane wig and in ninja garb
- Lots of flying and wire work
- An assassin with extremely poofy hair who spits acid
- A blind assassin who shoots blades from his hands and his fucking eyes
- Body swap sex in a Looney Tunes Acme-esque situation
- Actual romantic chemistry between the 2 leads

I'll be honest with you, the plot makes little sense. Not in a Seijun Suzuki way, where it's supposed to be more about feeling and artistic themes and palettes than logic. Ninja Wars is a very strong case of the original cut was too long or too stupid or too bad or whatever the case, the story beats that are missing are glaringly obvious. There was a larger, more epic supernatural, silly beforehand. I want to see that cut. The flow of the version on my DVD is choppy at best. Strange tone shifts abound drag everything down. It fluctuates between deathly serious, goofy shit, and romance. At no point, does it ever meld into any coherent. I had a ball but it's nonsense, good nonsense, but still nonsense. Even though it's a fun time, it's never amounts to much. There are moments of greatness but Saito's vision was not realized, I have nothing to back that up besides the awkward editing throughout.

There were a few brilliant moments and aspects of the film: the buildup to the temple arson is pure cinematic magic (it's a perfect action short all on its own), the power of the heart protected the young lovers from a fiery death, the action sequences (which were coordinated by Chiba himself) really stand out, Goodness won out at the end, and Saito got great performances from the main cast (it never felt forced or lazy).

A standard trapping of the action genre is death is finite. When someone loses their head, it not only looks cool but it's permanent. Immediately, the concept of death is thrown out the window here. The rules are not the same. Usually, this would bother me. The abandonment of the finality of death is a cheap trick for bullshit sympathy but in this case I don't mind it. Defying nature's laws are governed by your intent. If it's for evil then...things will back fire. If it's for good then in the clear. Spirituality and following basic morals can lead to miracles in this case. It never rings false like a certain moment with Iron Man in Infinity War.

 
Jotaro at crucial points prays to the heavens whilst holding his cross necklace. It's never directly said but Jotaro and Kagaribi are hinted at being Christians or at least a combination of Buddhism and Christianity. Their personal takes on religion threatens the status quo. They dare to be open minded and mix cultures in a shogun's domain. Through love they manage to conquer the evil wizard in a theoretical sense. His power is the old-fashioned and outdated. Given the rough time period of the Warring States, any form of rebellion like foreign religion could be seen as a reason to set an example.

If ninjas defying death, great wire work, and silliness is your jam then Ninja Wars should work for you. It's on DVD.